Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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