You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
