i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
