actually, I'm a sock model
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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