I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
