Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Randomize
