And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize