YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Randomize
