'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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