My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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