When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
