So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
