Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
