Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
