OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I could fuck to npr.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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