My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
