Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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