I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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