You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
