Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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