Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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