I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
