no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
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