Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Randomize
