I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize