I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
