I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
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