i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I pour the whiskey from now on
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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