Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
