yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
