im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
