we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
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