You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
