the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
