If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
