The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
The struggles of a small town man whore
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
