I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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