yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
I know her cup size but not her name....
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