We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
