Ketchup is God's man juice
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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