I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
