Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
