if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
