She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
