you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
