This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
