So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize