I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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