He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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