i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
