I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
please don't ironically join a cult
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