She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
