sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
