i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
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