Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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