I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
