Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
