it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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