I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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