i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
