I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize