Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
