he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
