Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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