Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Randomize
