I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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