I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
