y did u give ur computer a hand job?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize