In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize