What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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